Sunday, January 17, 2010

I Have Come To Realize..

Here are some things that I am realizing these days:

So we are moving on Jan. 29th & as I am packing & sorting through all the little its & bits we have I have come to realized we have just way too many things that make no sense or have no place in our home. I am finding that I have all kinds of decor that does not go with the theme of our home nor does it look good. But what do I do instead of getting rid of it.. I pack it. WHY? I really wanted this move to be organized & well put together but since we are moving a month sooner then we anticipated I don't have the time to go through everything. So this means that when we are moved I will have to do it then. Ugh sometimes I just wish there was more time for me to get things done the way I want them done.. but I have come to realize as a mom of a very active monkey child that most things go on the back burner & that even when I have a plan it may not go as smoothly as I intended but that its OK.. because life goes on no matter what.

On Friday I went to look at dresses with my sister in law {Wedding Dresses & Bridesmaid Dresses} which is so fun. But Shiloh made it impossible for me to give Kay my full undivided attention. Shiloh has now made it hard for me to take her places that have no interest for her. I never thought I would be that mom. I always thought I would be in control of my child & that keeping her happy wouldn't be a challenge. But I have come to realize.. that entertaining a 15 month old can be a challenge when you are sitting in a dress store with nothing for her to do but run around & laugh at herself in the mirror & that getting her to sit still for even just a second is merely impossible especially when she has an audience to entertain.

So we decided that this year 2010 we are not going to take any extravagant trips or doing any big spending so that we can stick to the budget for once & end up ahead at the start of a new year instead of behind. We have decided that there will be no trips to Florida to visit my family or to Texas to see Stephen's, that Hawaii may be calling our name but  that will have to wait for the following year to plan any trips like that. We instead are going to take a mini vacation one where we can relax & enjoy being three together. I can't wait & I have come to realize that we don't need to spend a lot to be happy that its the small things that can full fill all that we need & that in the end will leave us feeling relaxed & less stressed.

I have decided to give up hope on trying to have another baby for the time being. I am tired of hoping that each month could be the month that we may be lucky enough to have been blessed with another miracle child, but in return I am left feeling let down & disappointed so I have decided to not make it a mission of mine & to let God be in control. I know that one day we will get pregnant again naturally or we will be financially ready for fertility treatments. I have come to realize that I need to learned to let go of trying, but to not stop praying & hoping that it will happen when God decides its time. {I will always pray for another child & will still continue to hope that Shiloh will one day have a sibling to laugh & share memories with like I do with my sister.}

In life we all have falling outs with others, fights, disagreements & some people grow apart or just fall apart. Peoples feelings get hurt, rules aren't followed, some go behind others backs, some just do nothing & some just sit & wait for others to correct the situation. But one thing that I have come realize is that no matter how much you talk about it with others & vent & cry the situation will never get resolved unless you talk to the other person involved. That yes talking to others about it & getting advice or just letting it out is wonderful but if you don't ever let the other person know how you feel then you will never be at peace or have closer which in the end can ruin a relationship & leave you questioning why things are the way they are. So I have come to realize that going to the source of the problem is the only solution to the problem & that as scary as it may seem its the right thing to do.

So my point of this bog is that I have come to realize that accepting & moving forward is all you can do in any situation. That life wont stand still because you don't know what to do or how to over come a situation. I wrote this so I can look back & remind myself of this because sometime I forget that not everything will be as we want all the time, that sometimes we don't have control & that is just life. I have come to realize that even writing this has brought a better understanding for myself.. so I am glad I did & that I can share this with all of you.

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xo Melissa


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