Tuesday, February 9, 2010

When it rains.. it pours

So we have been anticipating our taxes.. & Stephen's bonus, waiting patiently & hoping it was a good year. This past year was another big financial year that has left us stressed & over budget. But I have kept a cool because I was sure we would have a nice check in the mail come tax time. Well unfortunately that is not the case. We actual owe taxes.. yep you heard me right we are owing money.. & its not just a few hundred dollars or even a couple thousand its way more & I haven't a clue as to how we are going to pay it. So now I am stressed out, depressed & in search a full time position. I love the part time babysitting job that I have & the family that I work for.. but I have to return to the corporate world so that we can get out of this financial state that we are in. We haven't received Stephen's bonus nor do we know how much it will be or when we will receive it but I am praying that it is more then I am thinking it will be.
I am sad that this has happened. I am just wondering when we will start receiving good news & all the bad will disappear. I mean isn't it time for some good to happen?? This last year we have already had the bad news dumped on us.. so why again in 2010. I was just starting to except my medical conditions, I was just starting to except that I may not be able to get pregnant,  I was just starting to except that even if I can get pregnant I may not be able to carry a baby full term. So my question is when? When can we have some good news.. when can the financial strain be released from us.. when will I stop feeling like I am drowning?
I thank the man above for all the good he has brought on to me. All the miracles & blessings & good in my life.. but right now I feel like I am in need of some good & that we are deserving of it. My husband works his butt off.. we hardly see him & when he is home he is exhausted or drained from the day. I try to help & thought that watching B Boy would help us a little more but now I am learning we need more. I always wanted to be the stay at home mom who is able to participate in my children's lives & attend all activities & be there for all the special moments.. & now that I have to return to work I am so afraid of missing out.. & loosing the bond that Shiloh & I have together. This news just came at the wrong time.. & now I sit here awake applying for job after job crossing my fingers that something will be in my favor & that it pays well enough to benefit us. I am hoping that soon there will be light at the end of this dark tunnel & we can enjoy life again.. I just pray.

Some may think this post is too personal to share.. others may not.. but me I just need to get it out & maybe get some advice on other ways to bring income in without having to put my daughter in daycare.

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