Sunday, October 31, 2010

30 Day's Of Truth Day 9


Day 9: Someone you didn’t want to let go, but just drifted

Humm well.. I have had a lot of people come & go in my life. I think that its just how life goes. I never want to loose anyone who comes into my life but if they drifted away I know it was for a reason. I know that everything that happens in life is for a reason. So even though there are some people that I wish never left or drifted I know that it was all meant to be so I can't be sad about it.

I know that the people who are in my life weather they have always been or left & came back are the people that are suppose to be in my life & I am good with that. I can't name someone who isn't in my life that drifted that I really miss that much.. LOL

Here is the list of Questions I am to answer honestly for the next 30 days..

Day 1: Something you hate about yourself.
Day 2: Something you love about yourself.
Day 3: Something you have to forgive yourself for.
Day 4: Something you have to forgive someone for.
Day 5: Something you hope to do in your life.
Day 6: Something you hope you never have to do.
Day 7: Someone who has made your life worth living for.
Day 8: Someone who made your life hell, or treated you like shit.
Day 9: Someone you didn’t want to let go, but just drifted.
Day 10: Someone you need to let go, or wish you didn’t know.
Day 11: Something people seem to compliment you the most on.
Day 12: Something you never get compliments on.
Day 13: A band or artist that has gotten you through some tough ass days. (write a letter.)
Day 14: A hero that has let you down. (letter)
Day 15: Something or someone you couldn’t live without, because you’ve tried living without it.
Day 16: Someone or something you definitely could live without.
Day 17: A book you’ve read that changed your views on something.
Day 18: Your views on gay marriage.
Day 19: What do you think of religion? Or what do you think of politics?
Day 20: Your views on drugs and alcohol.
Day 21: (scenario) Your best friend is in a car accident and you two got into a fight an hour before. What do you do?
Day 22: Something you wish you hadn’t done in your life.
Day 23: Something you wish you had done in your life.
Day 24: Make a playlist to someone, and explain why you chose all the songs. (Just post the titles and artists and letter)
Day 25: The reason you believe you’re still alive today.
Day 26: Have you ever thought about giving up on life? If so, when and why?
Day 27: What’s the best thing going for you right now?
Day 28: What if you were pregnant or got someone pregnant, what would you do?
Day 29: Something you hope to change about yourself. And why.
Day 30: A letter to yourself: tell yourself EVERYTHING you love about yourself.

Saturday, October 30, 2010

Photo Challenge by The Paper Mama

So this is my first time entry into a photo challenge because I am so not a photographer.. just a mom who loves to take pictures & pretend I have some talent.

So this photo challenge was "Halloween" & even though this was taken a few days ago while playing dress up I had to enter it because it is too cute & I love her costume idea & I think she will be wearing the same thing tomorrow as well because I can not resist :)

So here it is: Monkey Frog Princess Love

So head over to The Paper Mama & check out the other entries & put one in yourself :)

The Paper Mama

Friday, October 29, 2010

30 Day's Of Truth Day 8


Day 8: Someone who made your life hell, or treated you like shit

Well I honestly would rather not even talk about this person or even speak of them. I know that I agreed to play along but this is a subject & person that does not deserve anymore of my time or energy.

All that needs to be said is I am a happy person, who is forgiving, understanding & who can put things in the past pretty freely. But with this person their is no forgiveness or forgetting. She did a lot of damage to me & my friendships. I can only pray for her & that one day she is saved from her own hatred & hurt.

Here is the list of Questions I am to answer honestly for the next 30 days..

Day 1: Something you hate about yourself.
Day 2: Something you love about yourself.
Day 3: Something you have to forgive yourself for.
Day 4: Something you have to forgive someone for.
Day 5: Something you hope to do in your life.
Day 6: Something you hope you never have to do.
Day 7: Someone who has made your life worth living for.
Day 8: Someone who made your life hell, or treated you like shit.
Day 9: Someone you didn’t want to let go, but just drifted.
Day 10: Someone you need to let go, or wish you didn’t know.
Day 11: Something people seem to compliment you the most on.
Day 12: Something you never get compliments on.
Day 13: A band or artist that has gotten you through some tough ass days. (write a letter.)
Day 14: A hero that has let you down. (letter)
Day 15: Something or someone you couldn’t live without, because you’ve tried living without it.
Day 16: Someone or something you definitely could live without.
Day 17: A book you’ve read that changed your views on something.
Day 18: Your views on gay marriage.
Day 19: What do you think of religion? Or what do you think of politics?
Day 20: Your views on drugs and alcohol.
Day 21: (scenario) Your best friend is in a car accident and you two got into a fight an hour before. What do you do?
Day 22: Something you wish you hadn’t done in your life.
Day 23: Something you wish you had done in your life.
Day 24: Make a playlist to someone, and explain why you chose all the songs. (Just post the titles and artists and letter)
Day 25: The reason you believe you’re still alive today.
Day 26: Have you ever thought about giving up on life? If so, when and why?
Day 27: What’s the best thing going for you right now?
Day 28: What if you were pregnant or got someone pregnant, what would you do?
Day 29: Something you hope to change about yourself. And why.
Day 30: A letter to yourself: tell yourself EVERYTHING you love about yourself.

Thursday, October 28, 2010

Flashback Friday

Flashback Friday Button


If you would like to participate & link up click here to go to Christopher & Tia's Page.
 
 
I thought I would follow Tia's & post a past Halloween picture of my little one. 

This is her first from her Halloween we had a lot of costumes for her. These two were the cutest I thought!
 

28 Weeks

My Belly @ 28 Weeks
How Many Weeks: 28 Weeks
Size of baby: 2.9 lbs, 17 inches and as big as a Small Cabbage
Weight Gain: Well I hit the 200th mark ugh I have gained 19 lbs so far.
What I Can Wear: Maternity clothes.. my yoga pants comfy clothes please
Gender: GIRL!! {Gabriella a.k.a. Ella for short}
Movement: Morning, Noon & Night
What I wish I had: A normal sleep schedule
Cravings: nothing really
Sleep: Not Enough
Complaints: I want to sleep more & go to bed at a normal hour. My contractions are getting worse which stinks but the doctor said its pretty normal. 


Notes: I had my 28 week check up today. Things are good. I had my glucose test & rhogam shot. Baby's heart rate is good & I am measuring the same. I now get to go to the doctor every two weeks.. so let the countdown begin YAY!! I also get to have another ultra sound on my next visit to measure my cervic's so that is exciting to see the baby again. We have to measure my cervic's & make sure it's holding up.. but we think Gabriella will make her entrance early.. so we shall see. But other then that will see what my results come back as for the diabetes & I am still debating on weather or not I want to get the flue shot. So I will keep you all posted :)

30 Day's Of Truth Day 7




Day 7: Someone who has made your life worth living for

Oh this is a simple one. My daughter's!! They are my world my life my oxygen my everything hands down. They are what lift me up on the bad days & what keep me pushing forward even when I feel like I am too weak to. If I am feeling like giving up I look into Shiloh's eye's & remind myself of why I must always keep going!! Being a mom is everything to me & I couldn't imagine my life any other way!

Don't get me wrong my family & husband make life worth living but when you have a child it changes EVERYTHING! They become #1 they make the worst days the best days & are such inspirations. 

When I cry Shiloh says "Mommy Crying" & it breaks my heart because I never want her to see me sad. I want her to only see me happy. When Shiloh says "I Too" {I love you} it is the greatest feeling & it melts my heart. 

I love my job as a stay at home mom, I love my life as a mommy & my children are FOR SURE what has made my life worth living!! They are my angels & I love them more then I ever thought my heart could love anything!


Here is the list of Questions I am to answer honestly for the next 30 days..

Day 1: Something you hate about yourself.
Day 2: Something you love about yourself.
Day 3: Something you have to forgive yourself for.
Day 4: Something you have to forgive someone for.
Day 5: Something you hope to do in your life.
Day 6: Something you hope you never have to do.
Day 7: Someone who has made your life worth living for.
Day 8: Someone who made your life hell, or treated you like shit.
Day 9: Someone you didn’t want to let go, but just drifted.
Day 10: Someone you need to let go, or wish you didn’t know.
Day 11: Something people seem to compliment you the most on.
Day 12: Something you never get compliments on.
Day 13: A band or artist that has gotten you through some tough ass days. (write a letter.)
Day 14: A hero that has let you down. (letter)
Day 15: Something or someone you couldn’t live without, because you’ve tried living without it.
Day 16: Someone or something you definitely could live without.
Day 17: A book you’ve read that changed your views on something.
Day 18: Your views on gay marriage.
Day 19: What do you think of religion? Or what do you think of politics?
Day 20: Your views on drugs and alcohol.
Day 21: (scenario) Your best friend is in a car accident and you two got into a fight an hour before. What do you do?
Day 22: Something you wish you hadn’t done in your life.
Day 23: Something you wish you had done in your life.
Day 24: Make a playlist to someone, and explain why you chose all the songs. (Just post the titles and artists and letter)
Day 25: The reason you believe you’re still alive today.
Day 26: Have you ever thought about giving up on life? If so, when and why?
Day 27: What’s the best thing going for you right now?
Day 28: What if you were pregnant or got someone pregnant, what would you do?
Day 29: Something you hope to change about yourself. And why.
Day 30: A letter to yourself: tell yourself EVERYTHING you love about yourself.

Wednesday, October 27, 2010

Pumpkin Patch 2010

 So we were finally able to make it to the pumpkin patch. I was worried we were not going to have a nice day to do it. But today Stephen called & said he was going to take a long lunch so we could take Shiloh. It was great.. muddy but beautiful out! Shiloh had a lot of fun.. not sure what she liked more the playing in the mud, the pumpkins or the animals?? All in all I am glad we were able to do this because last year we did not.

Wordless Wednesday

The things Daddy's do for their little girls!

30 Day's Of Truth Day 6


 Day 6: Something you hope you never have to do

Well one thing I never have to do is something I know I will have to do & dread the day it happens. I hope to never have to say good bye to my parents, sister, husband or children or my extended family. The very thought of it makes my heart ache. I can't even imagine having to do so. Ugh it hurts.. makes me want to cry & makes me want to hold on to them forever & never let go.

I don't like death. I don't like at all!! I wish we could all live forever!! I have had to say good bye to loved ones in the past & it is so hard. My first death was the little girl who lived next door to me Alexis. She was just a baby, one year old.. she drowned in her pool. I have blogged about her before: Memories of Alexis. It was the worse thing at that point in my life that I had ever had to deal with. Then my art teacher Mrs. Canon. She was an amazing person.. she helped me find an outlet from a lot of pain I was dealing with as a child. I loved her & admired her & I miss her so. She died from a drunk driver who hit her as she was driving herself to the hospital from her horse trampling her. Then in 2000 an ex-boyfriend of mine died of an overdose we weren't together & we hadn't talked in years but it still hurt & still makes me so sad to this day. Then after that the next big death was my Step Grandfather... that was hard really hard & then in 2008 my Great Grandma Dotty & Granny passed & I am still healing from that. I didn't get to say good bye to my grandparents or great grandma & that was hard.. I hadn't seen them in years & that I made me regret not visiting family more often.

Since then I haven't had anyone pass that was super close to me. But I am still coping with past deaths & trying to understand why they had to leave us. I know death is apart of life.. but I don't like it & I don't want it to take my loved ones.. so that is what I hope for to never have to say goodbye to another loved every again.. but I know that is not possible.. & that makes my heart ache.

Here is the list of Questions I am to answer honestly for the next 30 days..

Day 1: Something you hate about yourself.
Day 2: Something you love about yourself.
Day 3: Something you have to forgive yourself for.
Day 4: Something you have to forgive someone for.
Day 5: Something you hope to do in your life.
Day 6: Something you hope you never have to do.
Day 7: Someone who has made your life worth living for.
Day 8: Someone who made your life hell, or treated you like shit.
Day 9: Someone you didn’t want to let go, but just drifted.
Day 10: Someone you need to let go, or wish you didn’t know.
Day 11: Something people seem to compliment you the most on.
Day 12: Something you never get compliments on.
Day 13: A band or artist that has gotten you through some tough ass days. (write a letter.)
Day 14: A hero that has let you down. (letter)
Day 15: Something or someone you couldn’t live without, because you’ve tried living without it.
Day 16: Someone or something you definitely could live without.
Day 17: A book you’ve read that changed your views on something.
Day 18: Your views on gay marriage.
Day 19: What do you think of religion? Or what do you think of politics?
Day 20: Your views on drugs and alcohol.
Day 21: (scenario) Your best friend is in a car accident and you two got into a fight an hour before. What do you do?
Day 22: Something you wish you hadn’t done in your life.
Day 23: Something you wish you had done in your life.
Day 24: Make a playlist to someone, and explain why you chose all the songs. (Just post the titles and artists and letter)
Day 25: The reason you believe you’re still alive today.
Day 26: Have you ever thought about giving up on life? If so, when and why?
Day 27: What’s the best thing going for you right now?
Day 28: What if you were pregnant or got someone pregnant, what would you do?
Day 29: Something you hope to change about yourself. And why.
Day 30: A letter to yourself: tell yourself EVERYTHING you love about yourself.

Tuesday, October 26, 2010

30 Day's Of Truth Day 5



Day 5: Something you hope to do in your life.
 
Well there are a lot of things I hope to do in my life. I hope to raise happy healthy children, I hope to own a home & build memories to last a lifetime, I hope to be able to save enough money to send my children to great colleges, I hope to meet my grandchildren one day & to play a big role in their lives & I hope to live a long happy healthy life. 

All of those things are things that I know I can & will make happen. I just hope that there aren't too many bumps in the road along the way because I know there are always bumps in the road.. life isn't handed to us, we have to work to get what we want right?

One thing that I really hope to do in my life for ME is to go to cosmetology school. It has been a dream of mine since I was very young. I have always loved doing hair, make up & learning new beauty techniques. I have tried school a few times {real estate school, interior design school & community college} & it just never felt right for me. But I have toured a few different schools for beauty & the excitement that comes over me is incredible.

I love being a stay at home mom. I love watching my daughter grow & learn & mold into this beautiful child.. & I can't wait to do so with Gabriella when she arrives. But I too know I need to do something for me. I need to accomplish the goal I set for myself years ago to get a degree or certificate so that I can have a career I too love aside from being mom & wife. 

I definitely don't want to go to school until my youngest is in school herself. I don't want to take away from raising my children. I want to wait till then & then that way my full focus can be on school during the day while they too are in school. Then once I am done & I have a nice customer base I can start making my own hours which is perfect for a mom I think. 

So this is something I hope to do for myself & I can't wait.. but until then I am so in love with my current job title as mommy :)

Here is the list of Questions I am to answer honestly for the next 30 days..

Day 1: Something you hate about yourself.
Day 2: Something you love about yourself.
Day 3: Something you have to forgive yourself for.
Day 4: Something you have to forgive someone for.
Day 5: Something you hope to do in your life.
Day 6: Something you hope you never have to do.
Day 7: Someone who has made your life worth living for.
Day 8: Someone who made your life hell, or treated you like shit.
Day 9: Someone you didn’t want to let go, but just drifted.
Day 10: Someone you need to let go, or wish you didn’t know.
Day 11: Something people seem to compliment you the most on.
Day 12: Something you never get compliments on.
Day 13: A band or artist that has gotten you through some tough ass days. (write a letter.)
Day 14: A hero that has let you down. (letter)
Day 15: Something or someone you couldn’t live without, because you’ve tried living without it.
Day 16: Someone or something you definitely could live without.
Day 17: A book you’ve read that changed your views on something.
Day 18: Your views on gay marriage.
Day 19: What do you think of religion? Or what do you think of politics?
Day 20: Your views on drugs and alcohol.
Day 21: (scenario) Your best friend is in a car accident and you two got into a fight an hour before. What do you do?
Day 22: Something you wish you hadn’t done in your life.
Day 23: Something you wish you had done in your life.
Day 24: Make a playlist to someone, and explain why you chose all the songs. (Just post the titles and artists and letter)
Day 25: The reason you believe you’re still alive today.
Day 26: Have you ever thought about giving up on life? If so, when and why?
Day 27: What’s the best thing going for you right now?
Day 28: What if you were pregnant or got someone pregnant, what would you do?
Day 29: Something you hope to change about yourself. And why.
Day 30: A letter to yourself: tell yourself EVERYTHING you love about yourself.

Monday, October 25, 2010

Cloth or Disposable???

So with Shiloh I have always used disposable diapers. My DH was grossed out at the thought of not only having to change a diaper but having to clean the pooh out of it as well so he was not will to do cloth diapers.

But yesterday while visiting Babies R Us one of my favorite stores LOL we were looking at them & he didn't seem so apposed anymore. I showed him how they have cute little covers & that really cleaning them isn't that bad.. I mean you just us a wipe to get the pooh out & then wash them right?

So I found this brand & thought it was fitting since it is called GDiapers.. LOL


Have any of you used them before? What's your take on cloth diapers? Help a mama out who is tired of spending so much on disposables.. tell me why cloth diapers are the way to go or not to go.. please :)

30 Day's Of Truth Day 4


 Day 4: Something you have to forgive someone for

Well I like to think I am a pretty forgiving person. I don't like staying mad at people & I am too old for drama or to throw harsh words out. But lately I have had a lot animosity {as my husband would put it} towards certain people in my life. I just feel like there is lack of effort on certain people's parts & rolls they play in our lives & especially my daughters.

I need to forgive them even though I am hurt by their actions or I should lack of actions LOL. I need to just accept that this is just they way it is & move on. I can't keep setting myself up for hurt or to feel let down because that isn't healthy. I just need to forgive & realize that we will be okay... no matter what we will be okay.

I have high expectation's for certain thing in my life & for certain people & I really need to lower those so that I can move forward & lead a happier life. I mean don't get me wrong I am a happy person.. I always shed positive light to most situations & try to keep my everyday life happy & worry free. I think a lot of my issues with this are because I am pregnant.. or maybe because I just feel lonely in a way & expected more.

I do realize though that life is too short to allow others & their actions take over my life & my happiness. I need to stay positive, happy & carefree not just for me but for my girls & husband. I need to remind myself that we will be okay as long as we have each other.. & that these people will soon realize what they are missing out on & then maybe they will see why my feelings are hurt.. & then maybe things will change.. but I am not going to cross my fingers.. just forgive them for it & let it go.. because that is all I can do!

Here is the list of Questions I am to answer honestly for the next 30 days..

Day 1: Something you hate about yourself.
Day 2: Something you love about yourself.
Day 3: Something you have to forgive yourself for.
Day 4: Something you have to forgive someone for.
Day 5: Something you hope to do in your life.
Day 6: Something you hope you never have to do.
Day 7: Someone who has made your life worth living for.
Day 8: Someone who made your life hell, or treated you like shit.
Day 9: Someone you didn’t want to let go, but just drifted.
Day 10: Someone you need to let go, or wish you didn’t know.
Day 11: Something people seem to compliment you the most on.
Day 12: Something you never get compliments on.
Day 13: A band or artist that has gotten you through some tough ass days. (write a letter.)
Day 14: A hero that has let you down. (letter)
Day 15: Something or someone you couldn’t live without, because you’ve tried living without it.
Day 16: Someone or something you definitely could live without.
Day 17: A book you’ve read that changed your views on something.
Day 18: Your views on gay marriage.
Day 19: What do you think of religion? Or what do you think of politics?
Day 20: Your views on drugs and alcohol.
Day 21: (scenario) Your best friend is in a car accident and you two got into a fight an hour before. What do you do?
Day 22: Something you wish you hadn’t done in your life.
Day 23: Something you wish you had done in your life.
Day 24: Make a playlist to someone, and explain why you chose all the songs. (Just post the titles and artists and letter)
Day 25: The reason you believe you’re still alive today.
Day 26: Have you ever thought about giving up on life? If so, when and why?
Day 27: What’s the best thing going for you right now?
Day 28: What if you were pregnant or got someone pregnant, what would you do?
Day 29: Something you hope to change about yourself. And why.
Day 30: A letter to yourself: tell yourself EVERYTHING you love about yourself.

Sunday, October 24, 2010

30 Day's Of Truth Day 3


Day Three: Something You Have To Forgive Yourself For

Gosh this is a hard one. Let's see.. I would say I need to forgive myself for the poor choices I made as a child. When I was younger I went through sever depression.. I held all my emotions in. I was dark & sad & got into a lot of trouble. My mom says looking back now I wasn't that bad.. but I think she is just being nice & doesn't want me to feel bad. But I know I was horrible. I put my parents through a lot. From fights, to running away, to drugs & drinking to saying really hurtful things. I was not the child I hope my children grow up to be. I have no regrets.. I learned a lot from all my mistakes but I do feel horrible about most of my choices back then. 

I had a lot of anger inside.. I have a lot things that have happened to me that I didn't know how to deal with.. & honest I am not sure if I still even do. My parents divorced when I was very young & both are remarried which I love both my step parents very much but I think that the divorce & the reason's for the divorce are what caused me a lot of pain & anger. Then there are other family things that I am not willing to speak of freely on my blog that have really haunted me & caused deep damage. So I know that my up bringing wasn't picture perfect but I know neither of my parents meant for any of it to happen. But I do think it caused a lot of pain on me. 

I went to three middle schools. One being in Indiana because I begged my mom to let me live with my Aunt because I just needed to be away from everyone. Then even my aunt I think couldn't handle me so I was sent home at the end of my 8th grade year. Then for high school I spent mostly at an alternative school for girls called Pace Center For Girls which change & helped me for the better in so many ways. I learned to open up & build friendships. My Social Worker was the most amazing person & still is. She made me aware that all the bad wasn't my fault & really helped me grow & overcome all the things that really were hurting me deep down. For that I owe her in so many ways. Thank you Tara!!

Then when I turned 18 I thought that meant I was mature enough to make my own choices & I again went into the teen from hell stage. I ran away after some more bad things happened. My mom & stepdad & I just could not get along.. life was hard.. I felt alone.. so I moved to my dad's. I think doing that really helped me. I learned to be independent. I graduated from High School which almost didn't happen. I built healthy friendships. Life was good but I did allow men to control me & that was not good. That too is something I need to forgive myself for.. I blame myself for the emotional & physical abuse that a few of my past boyfriends caused. I now realize that non of it was my fault & that they were wrong. 

Sorry this is a little deep.. didn't mean for it to go that way.. but my fingers just took over the keyboard! But this is something I am still learning to forgive myself for.. my past. I need to realize it all happened for a reason & that all of this made me the person I am today & I think I have turned out pretty well at 29. I have been through things that most pray they never have to but it's made me a stronger person & more aware, so I have to look at it as just that.. & be thankful that I have the life I do now.
My old party crew in 1999.. & yes that is me front & center with my eye's closed!

Here is the list of Questions I am to answer honestly for the next 30 days..

Day 1: Something you hate about yourself.
Day 2: Something you love about yourself.
Day 3: Something you have to forgive yourself for.
Day 4: Something you have to forgive someone for.
Day 5: Something you hope to do in your life.
Day 6: Something you hope you never have to do.
Day 7: Someone who has made your life worth living for.
Day 8: Someone who made your life hell, or treated you like shit.
Day 9: Someone you didn’t want to let go, but just drifted.
Day 10: Someone you need to let go, or wish you didn’t know.
Day 11: Something people seem to compliment you the most on.
Day 12: Something you never get compliments on.
Day 13: A band or artist that has gotten you through some tough ass days. (write a letter.)
Day 14: A hero that has let you down. (letter)
Day 15: Something or someone you couldn’t live without, because you’ve tried living without it.
Day 16: Someone or something you definitely could live without.
Day 17: A book you’ve read that changed your views on something.
Day 18: Your views on gay marriage.
Day 19: What do you think of religion? Or what do you think of politics?
Day 20: Your views on drugs and alcohol.
Day 21: (scenario) Your best friend is in a car accident and you two got into a fight an hour before. What do you do?
Day 22: Something you wish you hadn’t done in your life.
Day 23: Something you wish you had done in your life.
Day 24: Make a playlist to someone, and explain why you chose all the songs. (Just post the titles and artists and letter)
Day 25: The reason you believe you’re still alive today.
Day 26: Have you ever thought about giving up on life? If so, when and why?
Day 27: What’s the best thing going for you right now?
Day 28: What if you were pregnant or got someone pregnant, what would you do?
Day 29: Something you hope to change about yourself. And why.
Day 30: A letter to yourself: tell yourself EVERYTHING you love about yourself.

Saturday, October 23, 2010

Charlie Bit Me..

Stephen showed me this today & I laughed so hard it made have contractions!

Monkey Frog Princess Love

30 Day's Of Truth Day 2



Day Two: Something You Love About Yourself

Something I love about myself is I love being a mom & how much love my heart has for my girls. I love that I can look at Shiloh & my belly & knowing that these are my creations. I love that I have such a sweet, loving, beautiful, smart little girl who loves me as much as I love her. I love teaching her new things & sharing in all the little things in life. I love watching my belly move as Gabriella dances around & I love that fact that in less then 13 weeks we will have not just Shiloh to huge & kiss & love on but Gabriella as well. Being a mom is the greatest gift I have ever received & I love that I was blessed with such an amazing gift. Motherhood is by far the best thing about me & the most rewarding thing I have ever experienced.

My Cuddle Bug: Shiloh Rose
My Bean: Gabriella Eliane

Here is the list of Questions I am to answer honestly for the next 30 days..

Day 1: Something you hate about yourself.
Day 2: Something you love about yourself.
Day 3: Something you have to forgive yourself for.
Day 4: Something you have to forgive someone for.
Day 5: Something you hope to do in your life.
Day 6: Something you hope you never have to do.
Day 7: Someone who has made your life worth living for.
Day 8: Someone who made your life hell, or treated you like shit.
Day 9: Someone you didn’t want to let go, but just drifted.
Day 10: Someone you need to let go, or wish you didn’t know.
Day 11: Something people seem to compliment you the most on.
Day 12: Something you never get compliments on.
Day 13: A band or artist that has gotten you through some tough ass days. (write a letter.)
Day 14: A hero that has let you down. (letter)
Day 15: Something or someone you couldn’t live without, because you’ve tried living without it.
Day 16: Someone or something you definitely could live without.
Day 17: A book you’ve read that changed your views on something.
Day 18: Your views on gay marriage.
Day 19: What do you think of religion? Or what do you think of politics?
Day 20: Your views on drugs and alcohol.
Day 21: (scenario) Your best friend is in a car accident and you two got into a fight an hour before. What do you do?
Day 22: Something you wish you hadn’t done in your life.
Day 23: Something you wish you had done in your life.
Day 24: Make a playlist to someone, and explain why you chose all the songs. (Just post the titles and artists and letter)
Day 25: The reason you believe you’re still alive today.
Day 26: Have you ever thought about giving up on life? If so, when and why?
Day 27: What’s the best thing going for you right now?
Day 28: What if you were pregnant or got someone pregnant, what would you do?
Day 29: Something you hope to change about yourself. And why.
Day 30: A letter to yourself: tell yourself EVERYTHING you love about yourself.

Friday, October 22, 2010

30 Day's Of Truth Day 1


So I swore I wasn't going to cave & participate in this because I have a lot on my plate right now.. but it just seems so fun.. so I am going to commit.. & pray I have the time to stick with it!

Here is the list of Questions I am to answer honestly for the next 30 days..

Day 1: Something you hate about yourself.
Day 2: Something you love about yourself.
Day 3: Something you have to forgive yourself for.
Day 4: Something you have to forgive someone for.
Day 5: Something you hope to do in your life.
Day 6: Something you hope you never have to do.
Day 7: Someone who has made your life worth living for.
Day 8: Someone who made your life hell, or treated you like shit.
Day 9: Someone you didn’t want to let go, but just drifted.
Day 10: Someone you need to let go, or wish you didn’t know.
Day 11: Something people seem to compliment you the most on.
Day 12: Something you never get compliments on.
Day 13: A band or artist that has gotten you through some tough ass days. (write a letter.)
Day 14: A hero that has let you down. (letter)
Day 15: Something or someone you couldn’t live without, because you’ve tried living without it.
Day 16: Someone or something you definitely could live without.
Day 17: A book you’ve read that changed your views on something.
Day 18: Your views on gay marriage.
Day 19: What do you think of religion? Or what do you think of politics?
Day 20: Your views on drugs and alcohol.
Day 21: (scenario) Your best friend is in a car accident and you two got into a fight an hour before. What do you do?
Day 22: Something you wish you hadn’t done in your life.
Day 23: Something you wish you had done in your life.
Day 24: Make a playlist to someone, and explain why you chose all the songs. (Just post the titles and artists and letter)
Day 25: The reason you believe you’re still alive today.
Day 26: Have you ever thought about giving up on life? If so, when and why?
Day 27: What’s the best thing going for you right now?
Day 28: What if you were pregnant or got someone pregnant, what would you do?
Day 29: Something you hope to change about yourself. And why.
Day 30: A letter to yourself: tell yourself EVERYTHING you love about yourself.


Day One: Something I Hate About Myself
Well I'd like to think there isn't anything I hate about myself. Hate is such a strong powerful word that makes me cringe but since I have to be completely honest here I will answer the best way possible.
For years I have hated that I was never the skinny girl, the pretty girl or the most popular. I hated that I felt like I had to fight for every relationship weather it be a boyfriend, friend, family member or even co-workers. 

My self esteem has never been that great.. its actually horrible.. but I have learned to hide it very well.. but people who know me best know that I am my own worst enemy! As far back as I can remember I have always felt second.. I felt like no matter what it was I was always second choice, second place, second best, second second second. I know it sounds silly & it probably is.. but until I met my husband I never felt like I was #1 & well even with him at times I feel second {sorry babe} & I know that would kill him to know that.

I mean I don't feel the need to always be #1 or to come first but for the longest time I didn't even know what 1st felt like. So it always made me feel unpretty, unappreciated, unloved & unwanted. You know that song Unpretty By TLC well I related to that song on so many levels when it came out.. LOL its silly I know. I fought for so long to be noticed, heard & for the feeling of acceptance that it turned me into this depressed fake person.. this person I hated more then the person I was fighting so hard not to be.

Life in my early 20's to mid 20's was hard. I moved across country to be with my father hoping to have a relationship with him & his new wife in hopes that I would come first.. not realizing I was to old to be my father's first that his new wife was. {totally okay with that now} My relationships with men where never stable or healthy. My friendships were pretty good.. I had a few close friends & that was all I needed. But I still felt alone. I went through a lot of depression & self searching.. & had a lot of heart ache & hurt happen that left me feeling even more so second & alone.. which in the end in fact made me alone.. completely for a while.

Then in mid 2007 I was at my boiling point. I was tired of being bullied, tired of the emotional abuse & tired of feeling second so I left my boyfriend, moved in with a girl who was really my only friend where I was living, stopped allowing hurtful people affect me, & I just starting putting me first!! I stopped caring about what everyone thought. I stopped trying to impress & stopped worrying so much about the what if's & just lived. I had fun.. but too it was lonely.. but I did learn how to put me first in away & that was good thing.

I then met Stephen.. he chased me.. literally.. everywhere I went he was there or he would show up.. scary I know.. but you can't blame him for going after what he wanted right? It freaked me out though. I never had a guy chase me.. at least not that I noticed. So I ran.. I ran so fast. I mean who was this guy? I asked myself. I have searched my whole life for someone to put me first someone to make me their #1 & here he was & now I was afraid.. LOL! Well aren't we most afraid of the things that are unfamiliar.. things that we have never felt or gone through? I know I was. So for months this crazy man chased me.. & I ran.. & then it hit me.. I was running from the exact thing I was wanting & needing & had been searching for for so long. I then realized how blind I was being but it was almost too late.. he had one foot out the door.. but we were able to come together.. & I was finally #1 & all that hate & anger I had built up.. all the hurt & loneliness was gone.. & I was in my own little world of love & we lived happily ever after & that hate I had inside disappeared.

I won't lie.. I am still insecure though.. but not about being second or unloved.. that is for sure & the only thing I hate about myself is I don't always see how lucky of a girl I really am to have such love in my life ❤

2007
2010
"True love can blind you but at the same time if you let it, it can also open your eyes."
Source Unknown

Wednesday, October 20, 2010

Stream of Consciousness

***Warning The Content of This Blog Post is to be Considered Bitchy & Completely Honest Read at your Own Risk*** 

So I know I just did one of these but there is something else that is really really driving me bonkers & is really weighing on my heart! I feel like I give 99% when it comes to certain relationships in my/our life/lives. I mean yes I haven't traveled as much since I have been pregnant {& who could blame me} but I am always putting forth effort with people to see one another or making myself/the fam available. But lately it feels like I/we are not getting the same in return. It's always me calling, me texting, me traveling or me making the plan only for them to break them or just expect it. {When I say me I also mean Stephen as well} I am just plan tired of it. Tired of giving so much & putting so much effort into relationships to get zero in return. I thought it was a 50/50 thing when it comes to relationships? Stephen & are just plan tired. So I am done.. I am not traveling, not calling, not texting, not Facebooking.. nothing anymore until these people wake up & smell the coffee.

They say "treat people how you would want to be treated" well I am going to start treating these people how they treat me/us & let them see how it feels. I know it sounds silly but the depths of the issues are intense, hurtful & selfish & I think if I laid it all out you would understand but I am not going to waste to much time on this subject only because I have already & I am tired. I just needed to say my peace.

So if you are wondering why we aren't calling, coming over or in contact maybe your should think as to why & evaluate your priorities! Just Sayin

Wordless Wednesday

{Sleeping Beauty}

Tuesday, October 19, 2010

27 Weeks

My Belly @ 27 Weeks

How Many Weeks: 27 Weeks

Size of baby: 2.5 lbs, 16 inches and as big as a head of Cauliflower
Weight Gain: probably a lot.. I already weigh more then I did when I delivered Shiloh.
What I Can Wear: Comfy Clothes!! My maternity pants are getting a little snug.. but I feel better in yoga pants for sure.
Gender: GIRL!! {Gabriella a.k.a. Ella for short}
Movement: All the time & a lot sharper with her kicks now too.
What I wish I had: Less stomach aches. My exhaustion has doubled.. but I am nesting.
Cravings: Chocolate.. ice cream.. water!
Sleep: Not Enough
Complaints: Just wish I could sleep all day & I need a message!

Baby Shower

So I had my baby shower this past weekend. My lovely sister in law Laura was so kind to have one for me. Of course with my pregnancy brain I forgot my camera.. ugh so frustrating.. but I did get a few shots from my phone. So even though they aren't the best I thought I would share.
 It was so nice to see everyone & the gifts were so thoughtful. It was a really nice day & I am so thankful to have such amazing family & friends❤

Monday, October 18, 2010

New Mama

So I had my hair did this weekend. Love it.. fun & sassy & something different YAY!!
Love my Girl Gabby.. she rocks at styling hair!!

Friday, October 15, 2010

Friday Fives





Just Me and My Life



This weeks topic is...
Show us your house- 5 pictures of where you live!

Since where we live is temporary & the rooms are not my favorite at the moment.. I will show you the rooms I wish to have in our future home!

1.Greatroom- 

2.Kitchen-

3. Dinning Room-
4.My Girls Rooms-

5. My Bathroom-

So I know I broke the rules but hey this is what I have dreamed up in my head

Thursday, October 14, 2010

Flashback Friday


Flashback Friday Button

If you would like to participate & link up click here to go to Christopher & Tia's Page.


My Flashback this week is from when Shiloh was first learning to walk & be mobile.. she seems so little in these pictures.. now she is so grown up.. not only walking, running & talking.. but telling me she is a princess & showing me her personality is her own.. its so crazy to see your child go from baby.. to toddler.. to independent. I love her so❤

Soon enough Gabriella will be at this stage.. & then at the stage Shiloh is at now.. & knowing that Gabriella is the last baby we will be able to have makes me cherish all these memories so much more!

My Little Latina Princess

So my brother in law just returned from Mexico & her brought Shiloh back the cutest dress. Tonight she asked to wear it.. so I grabbed my camera & she struck a pose! She loves dress up & she is walking around the house saying "I A Princess". It's the cutest thing ever!! So I thought I should share her cuteness!!

Wednesday, October 13, 2010

Monday, October 11, 2010

Stream of Consciousness

So we have been going back & forth on where we want to live. Do we stay put in our little hick/hording of a town just east of Tacoma WA or do we move north where neighborhoods are nicer & more expensive.. or do we move somewhere else all together? These are the questions that run constant in my head lately. We or I should say I am ready to buy a home & start to feel settled again.. hubby is still unsure & I too have my days where I am like I don't know what to do. It's hard when you have babies.. you want to live in the perfect neighborhood, with the best schools & friendly people.. but we are finding it hard to get all that in one here or at least in our price range. It's just so hard to be an adult anymore I tell ya!

I found this house that is in an ideal neighborhood.. on the golf course, one story & over 2000 sq ft. But its dated.. not by much its livable & a work that can be done over time but it's at the high end of our price range.. so it could be a while before we have available funds to update. I don't know how long I can handle all the gold fixtures & the gody {not sure how to spell that oops} chandeliers, mirrored walls & oak & tile kitchen but it has good bones & has a great layout. We have the option to rent but then I can't change a thing or we have the option to purchase.. the question is do we do either?

I just want a house for my babies. I want to be able to decorate their rooms & make them their own. I want a home that is ours & that we can make our own & take pride in. Its so hard to go from home owner to renting & then back to the possibility of owning but being unsure as to where we want to own.. if we want to own a new home or find a simi fixer upper or if we just want to continue renting because apart of us still is not sure if where we are currently at is where we want to be.

I think renting wouldn't be so hard if there were actually decent places around here to rent.. but I feel like they just let anyone move in anymore & the quality.. well maybe I just have high standards but I want something update, clean & safe. Is that asking too much?

Where we are currently renting its not horrible.. we have newer appliances the sq ft is great {1770} & I love that we have a garage attached. But there is no A/C, bugs have been a huge problem, the cabinets are gross as well as the bathrooms {it's like who ever lived here before never cleaned so I can't get the grim off}, the hoarders that surround us & well my biggest problem is that we have TWO registered sex offenders that live right down the street which I blogged about here. {& I know there is nothing I can do about this & not all monsters are registered but now that I know I am freaked out} So I want to move.. the sex offender thing was one of the last draws for me. Also I have two girls which makes it even scarier!! I know most will say they are everywhere anymore but at least now I know how to check before I move somewhere but I don't think i will just so I am not so freaked out about it.

So I am having the hard time of making a choice on what to do ..  buy, rent, wait, or what? This is what has kept me up at night.. this is what depresses me because I can't just decided. This is what I am waiting on.. A SIGN maybe?? Something ugh!

I did some research on the best places to live & found this on About.com & thought it was interesting..


World's Best Places to Live
The London-based Economist Intelligence Unit's (EIU) Liveability Ranking, conducted a worldwide search for the best places to live and visit. Looking at 40 different indicators arranged in five separate categories, including stability, healthcare, culture and environment, education and infrastructure, EIU published some interesting findings. With three cities in the top ten, Canada came out on top due to its low crime, little threat from terrorism and a highly developed infrastructure. The best ranked US cities were Cleveland and Pittsburgh, both ranking 26th in the World.
  1. Vancouver, Canada
  2. Melbourne, Australia
  3. Vienna, Austria
  4. Toronto, Canada
  5. Calgary, Canada

Safest Places to Live
With the recent natural disasters that have devastated so many communities throughout the world, when you are considering your next move, you may be wondering if there is anywhere left that is safe to live. The answer is, no. Every area in the world has either suffered from, or will suffer from, a natural disaster. Whether it is a drought and tornadoes in the Midwest, flooding and ice storms in the Northeast or earthquakes and mudslides along the west coast, Mother Nature has the upper hand. Forbes recently partnered with Sperling's Best Places to uncover the 10 safest places to live. Here are the top 5:

  1. Honolulu, Hawaii
  2. Bosie, Idaho
  3. Sante Fe, New Mexico
  4. Yakima, Washington
  5. Spokane, Washington

Best Places for Singles
So you're tired of combing the streets and bars of your city in an attempt to find that special someone, or maybe you've had enough bad first dates to keep you in on a Saturday night. Don't despair. Sperling's Best Places has done it again. They have compile stats on percentage of singles, single venues and population density to come up with a list of the top ten dating cities.
  1. Austin, Texas
  2. Colorado Springs, Colorado
  3. San Diego, California
  4. Raleigh/Durham, North Carolina
  5. Seattle, Washington

Best Places for Families
Child magazine conducted an extensive search of 100 cities throughout the US to find the best place to raise a family. Factors ranged from pediatric healthcare, schools, housing costs and air quality. Their research also points to highlights in each city, special qualities that exist no where else.
  1. Denver, Colorado
  2. Norfolk/Virginia Beach/Newport News, Virginia
  3. Minneapolis/St.Paul, Minnesota
  4. Miami, Florida
  5. Orlando, Florida <------ This is funny to me because I grew up in Central Florida & swore I would never raise my kids there.. but that was a long time ago.

Best Places to Reinvent Yourself
For those of you who are beginning the next stage in life, whether you've retired or if you simply want to start over now that the kids are grown and the nest is empty, AARP magazine conducted a survey to find the best places in the US to reinvent yourself. Considering many baby boomers will work past their 65th birthday, AARP took job availability into account when ranking a locale. Other factors included cost of living, affordable housing, culture and entertainment, access to outdoor recreation, universities and colleges, personal safety, sense of community, health care facilities and transportation.

  1. Loveland/Fort Collins, Colorado
  2. Bellingham, Washington
  3. Raleigh/Durham/Chapel Hill, North Carolina
  4. Sarasota, Florida
  5. Fayetteville, Arkansas

Tag! You're It!

'I was just tagged by Jessica @
A Look Into My Life



Here are the rules!
She asks me 8 questions and I answer them then I tag 8 more friends and ask them 8 questions! Sounds fun to me. So here we go!

1. Do you prefer a hot dog or a cheeseburger? I prefer cheeseburger
2. Snow or reaaaalllly hot? Snow.. I can't stand being hot!!!!
3. Three things you can't live without? My Husband, Shiloh & Gabriella!!!
4. What is the first thing you would save in a fire? My Babies!!
5. What did you want to be when you were a kid? What happened to that dream? A MOMMY & WIFEY!! I am living it now :)
6. What is the last thing you ate? Banana Bread
7. What is the last movie you watched? Taken
8. Who would you like to see right now? My Sister Nicole!!

And these are the 8 people I am going to tag:
5. Mandy @ She Breathes Deeply
6. Chelsey @ The Paper Mama
8. Courtney @ LoveLove

And these are the questions that YOU must answer!

1. What do you love about being a mom?
2. What is your biggest Pet Peeve?
3. What is your Dream Vacation?
4. Favorite Comfort Food?
5. At what age did you become a mommy?
6. What is your decorating Style?
7. Dream Car?
8. One thing you can't live without?

26 Weeks

How Many Weeks: 26 Weeks
Size of baby: 2lbs, 9.2 inches and the size of Eggplant
Weight Gain: unsure haven't weighed myself
What I Can Wear: I am wearing mostly maternity pants.. but can still fit in regular jeans, I do need more long sleeve shirts now that it is getting cold out & since my jackets no longer zip up.
Gender: GIRL!! {Gabriella a.k.a. Ella for short}
Movement: She is a dancing machine.. morning, noon & night still!!
What I wish I had: Sleep.. I am so tired now ALL the time!
Cravings: Deserts
Sleep: I get up 5 times a night to use the restroom & I haven't been falling asleep until about 2 or 3am & I am up with Shiloh by 8am.. so to say I am exhausted is an understatement!!
Complaints: I'm always very exhausted, stomach aches are to be expected on a daily basis, pelvic pain is getting worse & dizzy spells are back.

Cast Your Vote

So I have decided that when I have my good friend Gabby {yes we are naming Gabriella after her} do my hair this coming weekend I am going to have her do something fun & spunky! I feel dull.. I feel old.. I need fun & sassy!! So here are my pick's.. now I won't be going red all over or red even at all but I do like the cut.. I also will not be going blonde or blue either & I know #2 is the same cut I had done last October but I loved it!! My color pallet is going to be dark almost black with either blonde or purple peekaboos. So help me decided & vote on what cut you think I should go with :)

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