Sunday, October 24, 2010

30 Day's Of Truth Day 3

Day Three: Something You Have To Forgive Yourself For

Gosh this is a hard one. Let's see.. I would say I need to forgive myself for the poor choices I made as a child. When I was younger I went through sever depression.. I held all my emotions in. I was dark & sad & got into a lot of trouble. My mom says looking back now I wasn't that bad.. but I think she is just being nice & doesn't want me to feel bad. But I know I was horrible. I put my parents through a lot. From fights, to running away, to drugs & drinking to saying really hurtful things. I was not the child I hope my children grow up to be. I have no regrets.. I learned a lot from all my mistakes but I do feel horrible about most of my choices back then. 

I had a lot of anger inside.. I have a lot things that have happened to me that I didn't know how to deal with.. & honest I am not sure if I still even do. My parents divorced when I was very young & both are remarried which I love both my step parents very much but I think that the divorce & the reason's for the divorce are what caused me a lot of pain & anger. Then there are other family things that I am not willing to speak of freely on my blog that have really haunted me & caused deep damage. So I know that my up bringing wasn't picture perfect but I know neither of my parents meant for any of it to happen. But I do think it caused a lot of pain on me. 

I went to three middle schools. One being in Indiana because I begged my mom to let me live with my Aunt because I just needed to be away from everyone. Then even my aunt I think couldn't handle me so I was sent home at the end of my 8th grade year. Then for high school I spent mostly at an alternative school for girls called Pace Center For Girls which change & helped me for the better in so many ways. I learned to open up & build friendships. My Social Worker was the most amazing person & still is. She made me aware that all the bad wasn't my fault & really helped me grow & overcome all the things that really were hurting me deep down. For that I owe her in so many ways. Thank you Tara!!

Then when I turned 18 I thought that meant I was mature enough to make my own choices & I again went into the teen from hell stage. I ran away after some more bad things happened. My mom & stepdad & I just could not get along.. life was hard.. I felt alone.. so I moved to my dad's. I think doing that really helped me. I learned to be independent. I graduated from High School which almost didn't happen. I built healthy friendships. Life was good but I did allow men to control me & that was not good. That too is something I need to forgive myself for.. I blame myself for the emotional & physical abuse that a few of my past boyfriends caused. I now realize that non of it was my fault & that they were wrong. 

Sorry this is a little deep.. didn't mean for it to go that way.. but my fingers just took over the keyboard! But this is something I am still learning to forgive myself for.. my past. I need to realize it all happened for a reason & that all of this made me the person I am today & I think I have turned out pretty well at 29. I have been through things that most pray they never have to but it's made me a stronger person & more aware, so I have to look at it as just that.. & be thankful that I have the life I do now.
My old party crew in 1999.. & yes that is me front & center with my eye's closed!

Here is the list of Questions I am to answer honestly for the next 30 days..

Day 1: Something you hate about yourself.
Day 2: Something you love about yourself.
Day 3: Something you have to forgive yourself for.
Day 4: Something you have to forgive someone for.
Day 5: Something you hope to do in your life.
Day 6: Something you hope you never have to do.
Day 7: Someone who has made your life worth living for.
Day 8: Someone who made your life hell, or treated you like shit.
Day 9: Someone you didn’t want to let go, but just drifted.
Day 10: Someone you need to let go, or wish you didn’t know.
Day 11: Something people seem to compliment you the most on.
Day 12: Something you never get compliments on.
Day 13: A band or artist that has gotten you through some tough ass days. (write a letter.)
Day 14: A hero that has let you down. (letter)
Day 15: Something or someone you couldn’t live without, because you’ve tried living without it.
Day 16: Someone or something you definitely could live without.
Day 17: A book you’ve read that changed your views on something.
Day 18: Your views on gay marriage.
Day 19: What do you think of religion? Or what do you think of politics?
Day 20: Your views on drugs and alcohol.
Day 21: (scenario) Your best friend is in a car accident and you two got into a fight an hour before. What do you do?
Day 22: Something you wish you hadn’t done in your life.
Day 23: Something you wish you had done in your life.
Day 24: Make a playlist to someone, and explain why you chose all the songs. (Just post the titles and artists and letter)
Day 25: The reason you believe you’re still alive today.
Day 26: Have you ever thought about giving up on life? If so, when and why?
Day 27: What’s the best thing going for you right now?
Day 28: What if you were pregnant or got someone pregnant, what would you do?
Day 29: Something you hope to change about yourself. And why.
Day 30: A letter to yourself: tell yourself EVERYTHING you love about yourself.

No comments:

Post a Comment

Thank you for visiting & leaving me your thoughts

xo Melissa


Shiloh (91) Pictures (85) Babbling (75) Baby #2 (56) Gabriella (39) Family Life (29) Wordless Wednesday (29) Video (25) 30 Day's of Truth (23) Baby #3 (22) Top 2 Tuesday (20) Flashback Friday (18) Family Fun Days (15) Not Me Monday (14) photography (14) Holiday's (12) SOOC (11) Birthday/Anniversary (10) Blog (10) Decor Ideas (9) A Picture To Remember (8) Life (8) Medical Issues (8) Friday Fives (6) Hair (6) I Heart Thursday's (6) New Years Resolution 2011 (6) Stores I love (6) Crafty Ideas (5) Decor (5) Food (5) Post-It-Note-Tuesday (5) Stream of Consciousness (5) Weight Loss (5) Loss (4) 365 Project (3) Church (3) Domestic Violence (3) Emma (3) Family Photo's (3) Not My Child Monday (3) Organization (3) QOTD (3) Stories of lost loved ones (3) Wish List (3) "OH MOM" Monday (2) ACTS Retreat (2) About (2) About Me (2) Goals (2) My Story (2) New Features and Updates (2) Photo Challenge (2) Prayers for this Blog Family (2) Religious (2) Sandra Kay (2) Schedules (2) cleaning (2) 30 Photos (1) 8 years (1) Baking (1) Before Photo's (1) Blog Awards (1) Blogging about other Blogs (1) Budgeting (1) Chemicals (1) Cookies (1) Day Off (1) Donate (1) Easy Meals (1) Epilepsy (1) Facebook Mama's Group (1) Faith (1) Friday Photo Challenge (1) Friends (1) Friendship (1) Gifts (1) Giving (1) Healthy Eating (1) Homemade (1) I am back (1) Meal Ideas (1) Meals (1) Minivan (1) Money (1) Motivation (1) My Job (1) New Friendships (1) Paper Mama Photo Challenge (1) Pinterest (1) Prayers (1) Pregnancy Progress (1) Reason (1) Recipes (1) Relgion (1) Scentsy Independent Consutlant (1) Shopping (1) Show Us Your Life (1) Sleep (1) Tags (1) The Walking Dead (1) Throw Back Thursday (1) To-The-Top (1) Toxins (1) Vegan (1) Vegetarian (1) Weigh in (1) What I'm Loving Wednesday (1) Workout (1) Your Health (1) after photo's (1) blogging again (1) dehydrator (1) healthy snacks food (1) kids (1) love (1) marriage (1) norwex (1) readers (1) self help tools (1) shakeology (1) snacks (1) stats (1) strawberries (1)