Friday, February 18, 2011

Finding Balance

So I am working hard at getting all of us on a schedule.. I have never been the type to have a schedule for when we wake up, eat, bath, nap.. yada yada.. but I think it's a must now with having two. I am so exhausted & I just need to know when I get to rest.. instead of hoping I get to rest.

Pumping has made my nights a lot longer but unfortunately the baby no longer will take the boob only bottle & its totally my fault.  I should have been alternating between the two but I was in pretty bad shape to were getting her to latch on was so painful that I needed to let myself heal.. so now she just gets super pissed if she is super hungry. If she just wants to snack I can get her on sometimes but not for long before she starts to scream. So now I am pumping.. but I am taking Fenugreek so that is helping me to get lots of milk so I have been able to have two extra bottles from the day so that at night I can skip a pump or two if I want at night which does help. I do have milk frozen but I am saving those for when I really need them.

During the day nap time is hard because I think Shiloh is weaning out of naps.. she wants to fight me the entire time to go to sleep.. & getting her in her room to sleep is just a nightmare that I don't have the energy for at the moment. Plus the other night when we were trying to get her in there she was screaming so loud the neighbors were banging on the walls {I know how immature & rude but they are a whole other story!!} So Stephen has had to lay in bed with her until she falls asleep but she usually is up in the middle of the night making her way to our room. So its just been hard to get a decent nights sleep here in our house. Between baby waking every 2 1/2 to 3 hours & Shiloh not wanting to sleep in her bed or crawling into ours & then her not wanting to nap well its been pretty frustrating.

I sometimes question my cool cause lately I get so frustrated that I end up yelling at her in a tone I don't even like. I sometimes wonder if its just me being so tired or if I have the baby blues. I mean I am not having any crazy thoughts just frustration & a little bit of sadness. I am still questioning if I am cut out for all this {which I know I am} or if I am doing it all right. It's just a lot & hard work at that. Plus with hubby working 12 hour days & now that he is sick.. its just made the last few days really draining. These are the times that I wish we lived closer to family or our friends.. because it would be nice to ask for help but then again.. that is not me to do that either. So I have been trying really hard to not completely loose it.. I think I have a few marbles left HA!

But I know soon enough I will find the balance & we will all be on a good schedule.. I know this stuff takes time right?


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