Friday, December 16, 2011

Well Hello Mr. Santa

Today we took the girls to meet Santa. Shiloh could not wait to tell him what she wanted. She was so excited she ran up to him & just started blabbing about Arial, Eric & Ursula. It was so cute. I was really relieved  that both girls did so well. Gabbie was so tired that she was in lala land & Shiloh couldn't stop grinning from ear to ear. Makes my heart melt.

Wednesday, December 14, 2011

It's Almost 2012..

So as this year comes to a close I look back at all the wonderful blessings I/we have had this year.
Our New princess Gabriella Elaine on January 3rd 2011 started the year off amazing.

 Then our family vacation to see my family in Florida & take our First Born Princess to Disney World!

I turned the BIG 30

My beautiful sister in law because a MRS.

We found out we were EXPECTING ANOTHER BABY!!!!

We Moved Back To Oregon so Stephen could open & run a NEW America's Tire Store

& We found out we were being blessed with a THIRD PRINCESS!!

This year has been a busy one.. but we have been so blessed! I loving our growing  family. I am fortunate to have healthy beautiful girls! Some of the most amazing family & friends. My photography is taking off which is a dream come true  & even though I can't wait to see where the future takes us I am so happy with where we are currently. 

Next year I have a list of things I want to work on & change.. some I have already started others will have to wait until baby is here but I couldn't be more happy or proud then I am today! 

Thursday, December 8, 2011

My 2 Beauties

Today it was just beautiful out. The sun was shinning & it was a chilly 40 degree's but I had to get us out & take advantage of the lighting! We have a few parks near us so I picked one with good lighting & was able to get a few good shots in. Shiloh is going through some stage where she is super emotional so we were not able to stay long.. I think she was also over due for a nap. So we headed home once her tantrum was in full force.. but here are two of the images I was able to capture & edit so far. I still have more to work on but I haven't had time yet. One thing is for sure is I do have two almost three beautiful little girls.

To view more photo's click HERE

Tuesday, December 6, 2011

Boy or Girl

So I am sorry I didn't write yesterday. Things have been so busy. I had our ultra sound in the morning & I had a newborn photo session in the afternoon so my day just ran by me.

But I won't keep you in suspense too much longer hehe..

We brought both our girls to the appointment yesterday to meet their new sibling on the big screen. Gabbie had a lot to say about it now that she is at this gibberish stage & Shiloh was very concerned at first that the tech was hurting me but we reassured her she was not. The tech did some measuring & looking around for a while. She kept trying to get the baby to move because for a while the little stinkers legs were closed lol. But after a while she was able to tell the gender.. first she said "well daddy looks like you are going to have to get a BOY dog because you are having another little GIRL". Stephen laughed & said I am okay with that as long as I get to pick the dog ha! I was giggling because he always said he wanted all girls & well he got his wish. I was just relieved to see her moving & healthy. Boy Girl I am equally as blessed & so excited!!!

So here she is our beauty..
Emma Anne

Sorry they are not so good my scanner is not working so I had to take them with my phone.

So now the fun begins. Planning what bedding we will buy & if her & Gabbie will share a room & making sure this princess has all the things she needs when she arrives in April.

Now to make my registry of things we need. I am sure we will just have a baby necessities party because we are very well stocked up on the clothes, shoes & things like that.

Sunday, December 4, 2011

Holiday Photo's

Today I finally took some holiday photo's of the girls.. I need to do more because two girls with no nap is not fun to try & capture but here is what I did get.






We also had a great day at church & putting up our Christmas decor. I love the holidays!

Saturday, December 3, 2011

Stream of Consciousness {Heavy Heart}

I am writing this & sharing my emotions at a vulnerable state so please don't think that I am crazy.. I am honestly just pregnant with a lot on my plate.

Money is always stressful period! But on top of that there has just been a lot happening in our family things that effect all of us weather we want them to or not. On top of it I am planning for our third child, we have taken a pay cut & I am trying my hardest to bring in extra income with my photography & Scentsy. Lately I feel overwhelmed I just look at our space & wonder how we all will fit, I look at our budget & how tight it is & pray things start to take off with Stephen's store. So far Stephen's store has done awesome but we could really use some snow, my photography is slowly getting busy & Scentsy so far in the month since I joined has been amazing but I still hope to be more successful. I want to own a home again & that has been huge in my head lately. We can't buy until October of next year so that means weather we want to or not we are stuck in this apartment until then & after April there will be five of us. Mind you I am thankful we have a place to live & know there are many other families in worse situations. I just wish we could own again like NOW & it's hitting me hard.. really hard lately. I think it's because with every move we loose stuff or misplace it or it breaks. I look at these cute little girls rooms painted & decorated & I want that for my girls, I want a nursery for my new baby & for the kids to not have to share a room & to have space for all there toys. I feel like finding a place for anything anymore is pointless & finding things that are put away just frustrates me because I can't remember where it is. "Is it in our porch storage or our larger storage?" I just feel so overwhelmed & I don't know even where to begin to organize it all.

On top of wanting home ownership I have just felt so down lately. Things are getting to me more then normal. I am an emotional wreak! My patients are thin & I feel like I am avoiding the most important things or people!! My children I know are affected by me being down.. crying isn't something I used to do in front of them.. I never cried really before & if I did I could control it until I showered or when I could be alone. But lately I can't hold it in & Shiloh is consoling me.. my three year old comforting me in my dark moments.. that to me is NOT okay!! I am spending so much time promoting my photography to get gigs or my Scentsy that I feel like I am taking away from my children too. Playing with them, teaching them & doing things a stay at home mom should be doing. But I am doing any & all things to bring in extra money for us.

Now with baby #3 on its way.. I am feeling scared & sort of sad that I haven't been as on top of it like I was with the girls. I feel like my excitement for baby is low & the joy of having a new baby is hard because I want to give my kids the world & I am scared I am failing at that. I guess negative comments from people who at one point were our close friends has made me keep my happiness & sharing less because I don't want to be judged. I mean yeah I had Gabbie 11 months ago & we are expecting our third baby now in 5 months or less. Yeah they will be close in age & yeah it will be a lot.. but you know what I love being a mom & I always wanted my children close in age & even though money is tight, we are NOT poor & far from not being able to give our children what they need. I think the people who have had hurtful things to say have made it hard for me to share & blog about it because I wonder if others feel so negative about it as well. I know I shouldn't care what others think but I am human & it still hurts.

So when I say my heart is heavy.. I just have a lot of emotional, mommy, pregnancy, money, future stuff in my head & heart that I am trying to figure out & it just feel so heavy right now. Today was such a rough day.. it started good. I mean the girls slept in until 9:30am.. & that was much needed. Then we headed out to do some Christmas Shopping & it all the fun & happiness was shot down when Shiloh some how lost her purse that had her $10 in it she had saved to buy herself something special, from the car to the store. We retraced our steps looked on chairs under display's went back to the car looked through the car, under the car, asked customer services & then gave up. So here I am in the store with my 3 yr old in tears.. & I am trying to explain to her that it was gone & to try & remember where she last had it. I wanted to cry.. my heart hurt so bad.. & then I was angry. Angry that someone found a Tinkerbell purse & didn't turn it in.. or see her drop it & tell us. It killed me all day! I figured I would sleep today for nap in hopes that when I wake up my heart would have stopped hurting but I couldn't sleep. I was still so angry.. so I cleaned, something that I haven't wanted or had motivation to do in forever. Then Shiloh came out crying again for her purse.. & asked me to lay with her & I told her mommy couldn't that she was cleaning & then I felt horrible again because she said "mommy I need you to lay for you" but I couldn't lay there.. my mind just spins & I want to cry. So I told her lets not take a nap today lets just have a snack & work on a learning books instead. I started to feel better.. it felt good to work with her on them & to interact together one on one. I slowly forgot about it until I looked at the clock & noticed it was 6:30pm & Stephen wasn't home. When he did get home I asked where he had been & he said he had gone back to the store to search for the purse & to check with customer service, but I could tell by his sad eyes it was a no. I have such a great husband. I am so thankful for him.. I may be an emotional wreak but he is my rock. Later on I was getting all my CD's together of our pictures & I noticed I was missing the one with all my belly shots of me pregnant with Gabbie. We search the entire house & I couldn't find it.. I slowly felt my heart pounding & my eyes fill with saddness & I fell apart.. I think all my emotions just caught up with me.. so I took my dinner & went into our room & shut the door, turned on my HGTV & cried. I think I needed to cry.. alone & just let it out.. so I did. Then about a half hour later Stephen came in with the disk.. he had found it behind the TV. He hugged me & told me to take some time for me.. & that it was going to be okay. I was glad he wasn't mad & that he understood that it's been a rough few days for me. I needed to get it out.. but even alone its hard to just cry.

I stayed in bed.. & I am here now.. watching a LMN Christmas movie with Shiloh while she has a tea party & hands me a cup & we toast or taste some imaginary food. I love her but I am still sad.. but my girls sure do light up my heart.

I have a lot on my plate.. my heart is heavy.. I worry some days my depression is here again to haunt me.. & if I will have postpartum with this baby since I was lucky & didn't with the last two. I also have been talking a lot with God tonight & asking him for strength & guidance. I have prayed for Shiloh & hopes that she is unaware that someone else has her purse & her money & how selfish our world can be. She is three & she will forget but as a mother I won't. I pray for God to guide me through this & I thanked him for trusting me with so much. I know once we go to church tomorrow I will feel a million times better & my heart will release all this stuff that is causing me so much emotion. It's funny how church has that effect. At least for me it does.

So after this long & emotional day I am here wondering if I should tell my doctor on Monday about all this & see what he suggest or if I should just let it be? I am excited for Monday.. we find out if we are being blessed with a boy or another girl & more so we get to see our little surprise on the screen & I can't wait. I know that will lift my spirits too.

So please don't think of me as crazy.. just emotional.. I am only human & these are just my feelings I need to get out.. & writing them is a lot easier then talking about them out loud. 

Friday, December 2, 2011

Car Seat Talk

So now that we are expecting our THIRD baby!! I need to get a smaller less bulky & not so wide converter car seat for Gabbie. This is the one we have now & it has been awesome!

But to avoid having to put Shiloh in the 3rd row I need to get a car seat that isn't so wide so I can put all three kids in the middle row. So here is the one I was thinking of because it's 2.7 inches smaller in width. I wanted to see what other's suggest :)

Option 1:
http://www.gracobaby.com/Products/Pages/ProductDetails.aspx?ProductID=1805716



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