Thursday, August 29, 2013

You Are Missed

Nighttime seems to be the worst part of the day for me lately. I find myself unable to sleep & my mind filled with wonder. Last night I stayed up late uploading photo's.. at the end I asked myself if I dare go through photo's of Sandra. Well I did & about 3 minutes into it I started balling.. my heart just can't fathom idea that I/we have to live this life without her. I am still so angry.. how could he do this? How could he be so selfish? Her beauty her grace was magical to see.. her laughter contagious.. her love strong, true & warming. I miss her.. I miss our fights.. our disagreements.. our silly jokes.. our oh duh moments.. I miss going to baseball games, concerts, girls night & just laid back days at home. I just miss her.. even if I never was able to talk or touch her again I would give anything just to know she was here on earth.. that would be okay.. because I would know she was able to live her life.. she would be that amazing momma, she would still giggle, be silly & her glow would still brighten someones day.

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"The beauty of a woman must be seen from in her eyes, because that is the doorway to her heart, the place where love resides." -Audrey Hepburn

I know healing takes time. I know that in time I will cry less & my heart won't feel so broken.. but to be honest right now that moment doesn't seem like it will ever come because this is just not something one can ever get over. I ask God to guide me & to lift me up when I am weak but I know he is telling me "it's okay to cry, it's okay to be angry" but he is also telling me "its not okay to stop living, to stop laughing & to stop letting others in" I need to learn to live life without her & know that even though I can't see her or feel her touch.. she is with me always in my heart. 

No matter how angry I am or hurt, I know there are others hurting just as bad or worse. I know that we all are trying to move forward & find the beauty in things again. If I could have just one wish.. it would be to hug & squeeze her & Sierra just one last time & tell them just how much I love them & how much they are missed.

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"Peace I leave with you; my peace I give to you. Not as the world gives do I give to you. Let not your hearts be troubled, neither let them be afraid. You heard me say to you, ‘I am going away, and I will come to you.’ If you loved me, you would have rejoiced, because I am going to the Father, for the Father is greater than I. And now I have told you before it takes place, so that when it does take place you may believe." -John 14:27-29

Monday, August 19, 2013

God's Way

Yesterday at Church we discussed how people always want to blam or point fingers at others when their life is not in a happy place or when things turn south. We talked about how sometimes you have to take blame for your actions & admit when you are wrong. Sometimes you have to make the change to a better life & you have to be the first to admit faults in order for things to get better. Somtimes not everything in life goes according to plan & in reality you are the only one who controls your life & the path you are on. So if you don't like how things are or the outcome of a choice you made or are waiting for change.. change your plan, accept fault & get off your butt & do something about it. God has a plan for all of us. He guides us & his plan is Perfect, we just need to grasp hold of it & accept it & appreciate the journey, grow from it & learn. We are not perfect, we all have faults & we all sin & that is okay GOD loves all of us & accepts all of us. Do not dwell on the things that have or that are hurting us. We can not let the past ruin our present.. we can only grow from it & build a better future.

My faults are many, my once happy self a little lost, my faith shattered from tragidy.. but slowly I am fining & accepting my faults, my pain & saddness. I am trying to make change in myself, for my future & to be a better person then I was or am. Not just for me but for my family, friends & others around me.. for I am a sinner & I am also a good person & I will always stay true to me.

"God's Way is Perfect" Psalm 18:30

Tuesday, August 13, 2013

How I Survive Staying Home

As most of you know I am a stay at home mom & I have been for the last 5 years. I love being home with my babies.. I love watching them growing, teaching them & spending as much time with them as possible. It's truly a gift that I am not thankful for enough. I have days were I am pulling out my hair.. literally because no matter how much I clean or tell the girls to pick up.. it never gets done & stays done. Most people think staying home is not a job.. well I have a million other parents to back me up when I say its probably the most stressful, hardest & yet the most rewarding job you will ever have.
My kids seem to control things here.. I know some think that is crazy & that I have lost my mind but hey.. I pick my battles & cleaning constantly is something I just give up on. We have three kids.. three girls that means three times the mess.. so no matter how often I clean I have at least one little one behind me taking things back out. It's life.. I am just a momma trying to survive in a toddler filled world.. so here are some tips on how to NOT LOSE your cool if you decided to be a stay at home mom..

#1 ALWAYS ALWAYS have at least 2 bottles of wine on hand.. you never know when you are going to drink an entire bottle after the kids go to bed

#2 Make sure you you try to get at least 6 hours of sleep each night.. my kids are up between 7am & 8 am so if I decided to stay up late this is what I look like in the morning.. but coffee is my savor even on days when I do get enough sleep.. it just gets me motivate & happy.. & leaves me Bright, cheerful & one happy momma...
So parents its vital to have that coffee.. & I honestly didn't start drinking regular coffee until this year.. I was a latte junky for years.

#3 Make shopping trips fun & go to kid friendly places.. I love going to Whole Foods.. not just because the food is amazing but because they all love my kids.. & they have cute shopping carts that let the girls help mommy with shopping (just make sure you are far enough ahead that heals aren't being run over cause that is no fun)

#4 Go to the movies during the week. Most stat at home mom's are their with their kids & yes their babies so it makes it easier to have even the baby with us.. plus its cheaper during the day on weekdays. We try to go at least once or twice a month.

#5 Find something creative to do that can help distress during nap time. I love to sew & to make things. I also have people buy my blankets too which brings in extra money.. momma money hehe

#6 Make sure to have a girls night at least once a month. I admit I am horrible about doing this because I feel guilty but serious once I do get out even if its just for an hour I feel a million times better..

#7 Have at least one of your kids (if not all of them) in a sport, dance or gym class. It gives you 30 min to an hour to sit & relax & savor the moment as your child glows.. I know its spendy but their are free kids activities in your area I am sure you just have to find them.

Ps: this is actually something good not just for you but your child as well. It makes them interact with other children their ages & gives you some mommy & me time.

#8 Date night.. I can't stress this enough.. it is vital to have a date night at least twice a month!! The hubby & I never had the chance to have many of these before we moved to Texas. Now we make it a point to get out together & have time. We go out at night or we have day dates. When we get the opportunity we jump on it & you should too

#9 Get out doors as much as possible & on the days that are just too hot & miserable go to the pool & wear them out & get your tan on..

#10 Take lots & lots of pictures.. cherish these moments because you can't get them back.. so yell less & laugh more, worry about the small stuff later & take in the mess because before you know it they will be grown & you will have an empty house &that is not a day I am looking forward to.. not yet at least..

I know their are a lot of other ways to making staying home stress free & fun & even though I didn't post all of my ways I wanted to share the most important ones with you. I would love to hear what you do to make being a stay at home parent pleasant?


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